We are all searching for happiness. But if you don't know where to look - you'll never find it. It's right there... inside you... Just let it out!
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Numb
Numb. Deprived of feeling or responsiveness. Having deficient psychological or physical sensation.
Deficient psychological sensation....
At a very young age, I was taught that when something didn't go the way I had planned, I needed to learn from the experience and keep moving forward. I have held true to this lesson my entire adult life.
Many people (my ex-husband, for one) would say that I am cold. Incapable of emotion. These people will tell you that I am a robot. Moving through the motions of life without accepting the emotional impact certain events have on my life.
Not the case. True, I do not wear my emotions on my sleeve. I often keep my feelings hidden behind a barrier. Not because I do not want to let people in, but because I am realistic and logical. I do not grieve as most. In death... in loss... I do not cry for hours, days, weeks. This is just not my genealogical design. I often wonder if I have the emotional compass of a man...
Despite the beliefs of most, and despite my declaration of a lacking emotional display... I feel emotion. Today, I realized that numb is not, as described, a deficiency in psychological sensation. In fact, numbness is very much a psychological sensation.
I realized this when dealing with, yet another case of, disappointment. I try to prevent disappointment by not setting my hopes and standards too high. Sometimes, though, the feeling still hits.
The feeling hit today. I realized that what I had desired was not what was reality. The moment I realized that was what most would consider disappointment. I, too, thought that. But immediately, I shut down. My brain overtook my emotions and I rationalized.
Rationalization of emotions is the equivalent of psychological numbness.
In most instances, logic is the best recourse - but when dealing with matters of the heart... does that leave one incapable of an honest, intimate, loving experience?
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I wouldn't say your a robot kitten. You show certain emotions like anger, happiness, compassion. I can say I have never seen you sad though. Thats kinda a good think. Being sad sucks. If I can void out a emotion. It would be sadness.
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