When She Cries

Over the past week, a multitude of things have occurred that I want to and could write about.  But instead, tonight I decided to write a song.  I actually do this a lot - but I wanted to share this one.

I know many of you can relate.  I hope you enjoy.

Staring at a picture of a memory

It hurts her every day

But she just can’t put it away

Staring in the mirror she sees a girl

Who’s broken up inside

But the truth she has to hide

Every day she wakes up with a smile upon her face

But every night she lies in bed fighting demons she can’t erase

Sometimes she cries

When she don’t know what to say

Sometimes she cries

To wash the pain away

Don’t let her smile fool you

If you want to know what’s real

Just look into her blue eyes

When she cries

She makes it through the day

Putting one foot in front of the other

It’s the only way to keep up her cover

She falls asleep at night

With cheeks stained by tears

But the burning doesn’t take away her fears

Every day she wakes up saying ‘Today, I’m gonna let him go’

But every night she comes back to the only place her heart knows

Sometimes she cries

When she don’t know what to say

Sometimes she cries

To wash the pain away

Don’t let her smile fool you

If you want to know what’s real

Just look into her blue eyes

When she cries

She hides her secret world from everyone around

But if you look real hard you can hear her screams even if they don’t make a sound

They will never make a sound

Sometimes she cries

When she don’t know what to say

Sometimes she cries

To wash the pain away

Don’t let her smile fool you

If you want to know what’s real

Just look into her blue eyes

When she cries

Just look into her blue eyes… when she cries

© 2012 Valarie Loome.  All rights reserved.

Strength

Strength.


Quite the ambiguous word.


To be strong means different things to different people.  To some, strength is merely a physical quality - a simple ability to overpower an object.  To others, strength takes on a control aspect - the ability to overpower a person or situation.


For me, strength is psychological.  It is the ability to keep my head high through times of adversity.  Strength is the ability to power through and remember my true self while having criticism, insults, and negativity thrown in my direction.  Strength is never losing focus.... Never giving up.


There will come a time in everyone's life where he or she will encounter a situation that will beg the question Do I persevere or do I let misery win?


I have seen firsthand the effects of letting misery win.  The result is displaced anger.  Hateful, hurtful words.  Vengeful actions.  By succumbing to misery, a person tries to build him or herself back up by bringing others down.


Misery loves company.


I will not be that person.  I will not spew venom in an attempt to make myself feel better.  I will not throw daggers to wound my opponent's heart as equally as mine has been damaged.  I will not create a sense of woe in an attempt to suck others into my black hole.


True strength is the ability to smile when you want to cry, laugh to hide the pain, and go on... no matter what.  Because no matter how much I am hurting inside - I know that I have purpose.  That purpose lies in the smiles of my children, the advice my friends and family seek, and the beating of my heart.


So to those who want to inflict pain upon others to feel better, I remind you of an old children's adage:

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me

Too often we forget this proverb and believe what others say about us.  But only we know our inner self.  Only we know our beliefs.  Only we know the true meaning behind our actions - or lack-thereof.


I am not without flaw.  I have made many decisions in my life that did not turn out the way I expected.  Some would call these mistakes.  I don't.  With each decision I make, I learn from each of the outcomes.  And with each life lesson, I gain the ability to navigate my future more effectively.


So go ahead...  Keep trying to build yourself up by knocking others (me) down.  True, I may stumble at your words - but I will never fall.  You will never get another one of my tears.


I'm too strong for that.

Threshold

What is the threshold of the heart?  What I mean is - how much of one emotion can the heart hold before the contents are too much to bear?


Often, we find ourselves overwhelmed with emotion.  That emotion might be positive - such as that found in the birth of a child, the beginning stages of love, or following some altruistic act.  Other times, that emotion will be negative - such as the death of a loved one or the end of a relationship.


Essentially, the two feelings that most often exude from our inner self is love or hurt.


Mother Theresa is credited with discovering the paradox - 

"If you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."

I have  to question this very wise woman in this instance.  Mother Theresa is suggesting that hurt has its own threshold.  That the human body, psyche, being is only equipped to handle a certain amount of hurt before he or she can hurt no more.  She continues to suggest that at that point, the lid of hurt is closed, but the chamber for love can still be filled - never-ending.


What is so powerful about love that the heart can handle infinite amounts of this very powerful emotion, but not as much of it's counterpart?


To look at the paradox from the negative - when someone loves until it hurts, perhaps the ability to love begins to falter.  Perhaps at that point, the hurt becomes so overwhelming that it begins to eat away at the love we hold inside until we are all encompassed with hurt.


Isn't that the basic identifier of depression?  Don't we become so overwhelmed with hurt that it begins to translate into worthlessness, hopelessness, and despair?  Don't we feel at that point that we might never love or be happy again?


The decision is in the resolve of the person.  Like so many things, the threshold of the heart is open to interpretation.


I, for one, refuse to sit in a pool of negativity.  I refuse to believe that hurt will eat away at my happiness.  And by vocalizing that belief, I have empowered myself to move past the pain and strive toward a happy place - full of friendship, family, and love.


Our ability to navigate these troubled times lies in the support of said friends and family.  The smallest act of kindness will prove monumental in the mind of the hurt.  Never forget that each of us have once been in the grips of hurt.  Never forget how difficult it was to navigate away from.  Always remember to love unconditionally... and never judge.


I have deflated the chamber of hurt in my heart.  As the pain begins to drain away, I feel lighter.  I feel the chamber of love filling.  Maybe not with a romantic feeling, as was once there, but with a feeling of contentment.  Because above all, this period of my life has lead me back to the person I once was.  An optimistic, bubbly, out-going, happy person.


I'm glad to have her back.